So… Hubby had told me last week that he had a whole week of Mother’s Day planned out but when nothing happened after the flowers he gave me that day I figured something happened or we couldn’t afford it or something and didn’t want to make him feel bad about it so I never brought it up. So, when I got flowers again yesterday I was surprised and he brought up the week long Mother’s Day and how it was starting then (yesterday) and lasting through this upcoming week while I recover from a bit of surgery. Okay, cool, I was really excited.
The older two kids gave me gifts they had made at school and Hubby gave me a perfectly us card, just the right amount of crass sacrilege and grammatical correctness, and a dress that he bought for me while he was overseas last. He cooked every meal, helped with the kids, and yesterday while I was in the ER, too. All this wonderful stuff and then while we’re outside enjoying the first warm day we’ve had in forever…
He brings up living with his relatives at our next duty station, if we get put where he is hoping we get put. We had talked about this previously and I had agreed that financially we don’t really have any other feasible options if the situation is going to be as it seems it would be. But a very key piece of information changed during this conversation. Instead of staying with his relatives for “the next duty station”, which averages three years, he said five to six years. Um… what? And when I pressed him on that note asking for clarification because, surely, we wouldn’t be station in the same spot for two duty stations, he says that he is hoping to stay there until his retirement from the military. What!?!
This is the first I had heard of this and, given that I am hearing of it now, I can practically guarantee that he has already spoken with his family members about it. I was still trying to steal away enough sanity to survive three years with these lying, racist, marriage sabotaging… in-laws. And none of that is an exaggeration, his side of the family are continual liars, deepest racists (regardless of whether they’re better than they used to be or not), and have tried on at least two occasions to destroy my marriage to Hubby.
As hard as I’m trying not to think the worst and not to let this ruin the day, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been set up. “Here, Wifey, see how wonderful I am and, oh, by the by, I want you to live with my side of the family so they can indoctrinate our kids with their moral ambiguity and probably destroy our marriage. Love you.”
I mean, what on Earth could he be thinking? I am so angry and frustrated and I am trying not to let it show but, let’s face it, I’m me and everything shows. If I were a material, I would be water, constantly mercurial and yet see through. I am angry and I am hurt and, frankly, feeling a little hopeless. We are about equidistant from our families right now and it has been good for us. Really good, despite all the hardships and trials it’s been good for our relationship. I can tell when he’s been talking with his mother because he starts spouting these ideas that may seem good on the surface but they’re straight up stupid. Like when she told him to insist on withholding visitation from TheEx until he paid child support, and despite talking to me about it and my refusal to do so as it was illegal, he still went up to TheEx at a drop off and said just that to him. Oh my God! The damage control I had to work and the idiocy of it all and just… Argh!
It’s all ridiculous and crazy making and I want to yell at him despite the fact that he is trying to do something that will, hopefully, have us in a better place financially in the future. He wants to live debt free, which would be awesome, but how many people in this country honestly live without any kind of debt; a mortgage, or car payment, or something?
I DO NOT want to live with my in-laws at all. Frankly, I would rather continue to scrape by barely making ends meet, using every penny and nickel and dime to pay for gas and groceries than live with people who will try to not only undermine my marriage but how I am trying to raise my/our children.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, maybe it will be a good thing. Maybe, we’ll be able to save enough money to put our kids in a good school where they can make good friends and I’ll finally be able to go back to school and get a real job doing something I at least like, and maybe our marriage will be stronger for it and his family will be supportive in our endeavors and not hold us emotionally hostage because they’re helping us. Maybe… if they’ve become totally different people and past behavior is no indication of what to expect int he future.