Depressed or Just Shitty

How do you tell the difference between depression and just being in a shitty situation for an extended amount of time? Because, if I’m depressed I’m going to get kicked out of the fibromyalgia study… 😭

I got the “I don’t want a divorce but I want a divorce” talk a few nights ago. Part of me doesn’t blame him, part of me does, all parts of me still blame my self despite the fact that this is beyond my control. I’m doing my best to get healthy again, it’s just not working.

My girl Una finally found a home, wih Siberian Husky breed and show people nonetheless. They only live 45 minutes away or so and said I can come visit. This makes me happy even though I was sad to see her leave.

I thought I’d try doing one of those work from home salesman things wih SeneGence since I love their products. Brought it up with the husband like I’ve been meaning to do for the last two weeks, his initial reaction was to tell me I should sell he same stuff his mother sells. Like the industry isn’t inundated with Ameay products and sales reps already.

I had hoped to do something taking photos by at this point my hands twitch/shake too much. I can’t get a clear shot.

My stepmom decided to jump on the “mind over matter” train and I just couldn’t listen to it. I told her I was done talking and hung up. She thinks I’m “resigned” to my situation.

I’m not resigned but I have accepted it. I have to be careful with my body, I have to listen to it, I have to work with it, I can’t just power through things anymore. My body will literally just give out and shut down if I try to.

Mind over matter is a great theory but it doesn’t work for mine. I’ve tried. For years. Please stop telling me how to exist when you have no idea what it takes to just make it through a day in my shoes.

I know she wants to help, but I have multiple, medically chronic conditions. I am beyond mind over matter. My body needs help and admitting that is not just okay but healthy.

Burn Baby

On top of having 3rd degree burns on my hands the last few weeks, I seem to be slipping overall. I couldn’t even remember how to get to my blog here except that it had the word “word” in the address… Stuttering has started. My sleep is worse. The pain is worse. My heart is worse.

I’m hoping I’m just going through a “bad spell” and it’ll turn around soon. I have appointments with the cardiologist and neurologist tomorrow. We’ll see how those go…

It hurts to type so I’m signing off. Please keep me in prayer, send good vibes, light some incense, whatever your beliefs are to help my doctors find the cause so we can manage the “disease”.

I’m so tired, and so close to feeling hopeless as the pain just seeps deeper and deeper. I’m a stubborn one, and thank God for that, but I could use… help… to keep fighting this.