I love fall. Always have. However, Fall has also always been a difficult time for me. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the decline of the sunshine, who knows.
We had a baby hawk visit us this morning. My youngest and I got to see him pretty close up, too. It was pretty awesome.
Things with the kids have been better since our summer visit to see family. It was a much needed change of pace for us all. I was sort of amazed at how the significant drop in stress, the increase in rest, and an amazing amount of emotional support helped us all.
The drop in my pain and therefore exhaustion was fantastic. It’s definitely still a major part of my life, and as far as anyone knows fibromyalgia will always be a major part of my life. And therefore my family’s lives.
For a little while, we all felt a little more normal. All that life around us, making happy memories with family, it was so.. replenishing.
It happened over the course of many years that a handsome black swan and a flighty snowy owl fell each into heartbreak. As they had been friends many years and were of great comfort to one another while they healed, when their comforting of each other turned from friendship to something more they decided that perhaps they had been meant for each other.
While the handsome swan travelled about providing for their family, the flighty owl grew restless while she stayed in the nest with their brood. She loved mothering their young ones, and she loved listening. To the adventures her mate the swan would bring home, but the longer she needed to stay in one place, the more unhappy she became. She found solace in taking their offspring to new places and sharing her awe of the unknown with her children. It reminded her of all the amazing thins she hadn't discovered yet and how she hoped to go back to exploring only day, but this time with her mate.
As time wore on and the fledglings grew, the black swan became more and more content to stay by the nest when he could stop adventuring while the snowy owl became more and more excited to leave. This created much unhappiness between them because despite their deep love for one another the very natures of who and what they had always been was coming between them a little bit more each time they tried to be more of what the other was.
While the swan held a little white, and the owl held a little black, they were primarily opposite the other and their offspring a beautiful set of grey fluff whose own natures had yet to show through.
In case anyone was wondering where my daughter gets her lyricist skills from:
Lyrics by Katherine Barber
Sung to the melody of Little Bird, Little Bird from Man of La Mancha.
Little fly, little fly,
Hiding in my house,
Little fly little fly,
I’ll hunt you like a mouse!
You will soon be dead,
To my spider fed!
Little little, little fly,
You’ll soon be dead.
Little fly, little fly,
To my spider fed.
Little fly, little fly.
Example of Melody
*Note: This song just came to me while, wait for it, hunting for a fly in my house. Damn hind are like disease ridden ninjas.
Haven’t gotten to talk to my son in two days now. Mother fucking asshole.
The funniest part of his pathetic antics is that TheEx still just cannot wrap his mind around the idea of putting our son first. And he gave me all this bullsht about my legally allowed one phone call a day messing up the quality of time with ChaosMonkey only for said ChaosMonkey to inform me his dad isn’t even going to be home during the time we agreed for me to call but will be out working. Does Hile support enforcement know he’s working? No… that would indicate a modicum of integrity and responsibility.
Since I’ve been woke. Up twice by baby spiders crawling on me (last time I open my window for airflow. Damn spider hiding bushes!) I might as well get this out of my system while my adrenal’s coming down.
TheEx evidently thinks that having my son available to talk to me at 11PM constitutes meeting the one phone call a day court order requirement even though we have an agreement/amendment that said phone call would occur at 7:30PM. He also keeps putting our son into the middle of it all by asking him to relay information or messages to me that should be coming from himself, not or son, regarding said child not being allowed to talk to me certain days or whatever.
TheEx seems to be totally missing the fact that this childish behavior is detrimental to ChaosMonkey. I mean, ChaosMonkey asked me if he could have a phone while at his dad’s because he bought if it was from me his dad couldn’t take it away so he’d always be able to talk to me. This was just a few days before going to his dad’s for visitation so there wasn’t one to iron or details, but then his dad keeps pulling this bullshit. Not that it’s entirely new bullsht but he’s definitely putting our son more and more into the middle of things that should be between us and that’s not okay.
He is only going to sow more mistrust between ChaosMonkey and male figureheads/authority figures the more he does this, not to mention modeling terrible behavior as a human being in general. I hope he is at least treating his current spouse better than ChaosMonkey sees him treating me. There needs to be some sort of healthy behavior over there so ChaosMonkey doesn’t drown in the negativity he was already battling before going to his dad’s.
Poor kiddo. He was so upset when he found out he wouldn’t be home the TheHubby’s home coming. Of course, those dates keep changing and we have no idea when that’s going to happen at this point, but he was still heartbroken which made him angry and then resentful and then just so, so sad.
We are so lucky he has my amazing husband to look up to. They talked on the phone every chance they’ve had while TheHubby’s been away. It was so sweet. ChaosMonkey is growing up into a young man and that is turbulent enough without the dysfunctional failures at co-parenting by his biological parents getting thrown in his face (which he reads as needing to referee because that’s the amazing, caring, empathic kind of young man he has always been and I really hope he doesn’t lose that part of himself.).
I’m not surprised that the bitch bites, don’t get me wrong, but you would hope the bitch would eventually grow some balls, man up, and put the offspring’s needs before their whims.
And every breeze is still making me jump because I think it’s another spider. *sigh* I’m gonna go cacoon myself in the blankets with a snorkel now… today was a wonderfully productive day but it has had me totally wiped out. I need sleep…
Well, here we are at Day 6 and my son’s father has decided that since the call time he agreed to four years ago isn’t convenient for him anymore he’s going to just not adhere to the agreement anymore. He is such a predictable little asshole. He has been dodging my legally allowed phone calls to my son for those entire four years and now he’s being a complete dick about it. Completely.
Trying to tell me what our new terms are because that’s what he wants and, by the way, he wants a mid-week phone call when our son comes home. Really? You want that now after years of my beggin for you to talk to him on the phone and you just couldn’t be bothered?
His head is so far up his ass you could swear it was back on his shoulders.
Other than, maybe, a three minute conversation where ChaosMonkeg called to tell me his father had said we wouldn’t be able to talk at the agreed upon time tonight, and even that was interrupted by his dad telling him to hurry out the door, i haven’t gotten to talk to him. Again.
What is wrong with people!?! Seriously!! This shit is not healthy for the kid(s) involved and it is delusional and/or selfish to think otherwise. And TheEx straight up said he didn’t care. So pathetic he’s diaasterously funny.
Here it is, 9pm, and ChaosMonkey is just now getting to talk to him even though the agreed upon time between TheEx and I is 7:30pm.
They’re still working on remodelling their bathroom.
I got to talk to ChaosMonkey a grand total of about 15 minutes, a conversation that started with his dad’s phone beign at 6% battery life, and then his dad came in and asked him to get off the phone and go help him outside.
I swear, my husband and I chose such winners our first go-arounds.
And, evidently, his dad has an iPhone 7… no money for child support but could afford a huge wedding, movies, eating out, a house of his own (in his aunt’s name), trips or of the country and to Disneyland, remodeling his bathroom, and the most up to date electronics.
Priorities. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.