The phrase Jonna quoted on forgiveness really struck a chord with me. It was “Forgive what didn’t happen”. Sounds a little odd at first, right? As she was explaining it the situation with my in-laws kept playing through my head and the phrase kept repeating through the in numerous hurtful experiences.
“Forgive what didn’t happen.”
Forgive the emotional needs that weren’t met.
Forgive the expectation that weren’t met.
Forgive the standards that weren’t met.
Forgive the communications that didn’t happen.
Forgive the the emotional intelligence or ability required to have a healthy relationship that wasn’t cultivated.
I have tried to do a lot of forgiving over the years. I have tried to maintain and stick to healthy boundaries for my family and I. This phrase put into perspective how my focus had been on forgiving things that were unforgivable in my mind because they weren’t changing. I wa trying to forgive the results of the underlying issues and incapabilities. And it is against my nature to forgive offenses that I know will keep happening because I was taught that forgiveness means treating someone as if they never hurt me and I knew the hurting was going to keep on coming.
I was trying to cope with symptoms of a toxin that was/is poisoning already difficult relationships. The “toxin” being something that may very well be beyond the capabilities of the people involved. This does not mean I am going to allow myself and my family to be mistreated, but the shifting of the focus has completely changed the way I look at these relationships.
The emotional release after this eureka moment was palpable. It literally was a physical and chemical shift in though my entire system when I was able to “let go” of what was truly wrong, the root of it all.
I really just wanted to share this all. Not necessarily with anyone in particular, but with anything outside of my own being.