Summer Visitation Dickheadedness Continues

Haven’t gotten to talk to my son in two days now. Mother fucking asshole.

The funniest part of his pathetic antics is that TheEx still just cannot wrap his mind around the idea of putting our son first. And he gave me all this bullsht about my legally allowed one phone call a day messing up the quality of time with ChaosMonkey only for said ChaosMonkey to inform me his dad isn’t even going to be home during the time we agreed for me to call but will be out working. Does Hile support enforcement know he’s working? No… that would indicate a modicum of integrity and responsibility. 

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Since I’ve been woke. Up twice by baby spiders crawling on me (last time I open my window for airflow. Damn spider hiding bushes!) I might as well get this out of my system while my adrenal’s coming down.

TheEx evidently thinks that having my son available to talk to me at 11PM constitutes meeting the one phone call a day court order requirement even though we have an agreement/amendment that said phone call would occur at 7:30PM. He also keeps putting our son into the middle of it all by asking him to relay information or messages to me that should be coming from himself, not or son, regarding said child not being allowed to talk to me certain days or whatever.
TheEx seems to be totally missing the fact that this childish behavior is detrimental to ChaosMonkey. I mean, ChaosMonkey asked me if he could have a phone while at his dad’s because he bought if it was from me his dad couldn’t take it away so he’d always be able to talk to me. This was just a few days before going to his dad’s for visitation so there wasn’t one to iron or details, but then his dad keeps pulling this bullshit. Not that it’s entirely new bullsht but he’s definitely putting our son more and more into the middle of things that should be between us and that’s not okay.

He is only going to sow more mistrust between ChaosMonkey and male figureheads/authority figures the more he does this, not to mention modeling terrible behavior as a human being in general. I hope he is at least treating his current spouse better than ChaosMonkey sees him treating me. There needs to be some sort of healthy behavior over there so ChaosMonkey doesn’t drown in the negativity he was already battling before going to his dad’s.

Poor kiddo. He was so upset when he found out he wouldn’t be home the TheHubby’s home coming. Of course, those dates keep changing and we have no idea when that’s going to happen at this point, but he was still heartbroken which made him angry and then resentful and then just so, so sad.

We are so lucky he has my amazing husband to look up to. They talked on the phone every chance they’ve had while TheHubby’s been away. It was so sweet. ChaosMonkey is growing up into a young man and that is turbulent enough without the dysfunctional failures at co-parenting by his biological parents getting thrown in  his face (which he reads as needing to referee because that’s the amazing, caring, empathic kind of young man he has always been and I really hope he doesn’t lose that part of himself.).

I’m not surprised that the bitch bites, don’t get me wrong, but you would hope the bitch would eventually grow some balls, man up, and put the offspring’s needs before their whims.

And every breeze is still making me jump because I think it’s another spider. *sigh* I’m gonna go cacoon myself in the blankets with a snorkel now… today was a wonderfully productive day but it has had me totally wiped out. I need sleep…

Day 6 of Summer Visition

Well, here we are at Day 6 and my son’s father has decided that since the call time he agreed to four years ago isn’t convenient for him anymore he’s going to just not adhere to the agreement anymore. He is such a predictable little asshole. He has been dodging my legally allowed phone calls to my son for those entire four years and now he’s being a complete dick about it. Completely. 
Trying to tell me what our new terms are because that’s what he wants and, by the way, he wants a mid-week phone call when our son comes home. Really? You want that now after years of my beggin for you to talk to him on the phone and you just couldn’t be bothered?

His head is so far up his ass you could swear it was back on his shoulders.

Other than, maybe, a three minute conversation where ChaosMonkeg called to tell me his father had said we wouldn’t be able to talk at the agreed upon time tonight, and even that was interrupted by his dad telling him to hurry out the door, i haven’t gotten to talk to him. Again.

What is wrong with people!?! Seriously!! This shit is not healthy for the kid(s) involved and it is delusional and/or selfish to think otherwise. And TheEx straight up said he didn’t care. So pathetic he’s diaasterously funny.

Day 3 of Summer Visitation

Here it is, 9pm, and ChaosMonkey is just now getting to talk to him even though the agreed upon time between TheEx and I is 7:30pm.

They’re still working on remodelling their bathroom.

I got to talk to ChaosMonkey a grand total of about 15 minutes, a conversation that started with his dad’s phone beign at 6% battery life, and then his dad came in and asked him to get off the phone and go help him outside.

Motherfucking asshole.

I swear, my husband and I chose such winners our first go-arounds.

And, evidently, his dad has an iPhone 7… no money for child support but could afford a huge wedding, movies, eating out, a house of his own (in his aunt’s name), trips or of the country and to Disneyland, remodeling his bathroom, and the most up to date electronics.

Priorities. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.

Days 1 & 2 Of Summer Visitation

Only day two of ChaosMonkey’s visit at his dad’s and there has been nothing but problems both days.

Yesterday, I called at the time his dad and I had agreed upon for me to call and he wouldn’t let me talk to our kid. According to him, he doesn’t have to abide by the agreement because he doesn’t want to anymore. That’s the summation of the argument we had for something along the lines of an hour and a half over text.

Then today, I got to talk to our son when I was supposed to which was a nice change, but TheEx had once again “forgotten” to charge his phone before said call leaving us only enough time for a short conversation but ChaosMonkey starts his conversation with me (after his adorable conversation with his siblings) with “my dad told me not to get in the middle of it but…” and goes off trying to facilitate as a mediator between his dad and I regarding the afore-mentioned unwillingness to uphold his word (though it was obvious his dad had spun himself as the victim, as he always does). He is twisting ChaosMonkey all up just like he used to do to me so that nothign coul dever be his fault, it was unfair to expect him to take responsibility for himself, yada-yada-yada.

But, hey, at least they’re having fun with the remodeling his dad is doing on the house. Funny how he has money for remodelling but not for the over $28,000 owed in child support. Support Enforcement can’t seem to find a valid income source, taxes haven’t been filed, etcetera so on and so forth but, by God, they’re going to have an overcast sky colored bathroom.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have any renters over the summer, I guess, so Alexander has a room of his own to stay in and his dad is even letting him have one of his old computers to work off of, which he of course asked ChaosMonkey to ask me for the login and password for his account at our house to use with said computer. ASK ME YOURSELF, YOU JACKASS. STOP putting the child in the middle of your childish behavior. And, by the wya, please make sure you’ve wiped the hard drive so that none of your horrid, ugly, reprehendisble, and possibly illegal porn ends up in front of his face.

Implied Libel

You’ve got to love all of the implied libel that comes with emails from my ex. He is such a fucking joke.

I emailed him regarding my son’s request for a phone and whether he was willing to let our son fly unaccompanied if the need arose.
•He was more concerned about the phone than the flight.

•He won’t pay child support but wants to pay for a phone for my son complete with GPS tracking and the like.

This motherfucking idiot has the most back assward priorities ever.


TheEx,

1. ChaosMonkey has been asking about getting a phone and I was what you and your wife’s thoughts are on the topic.

2. I was wondering if you would be amenable to letting ChaosMonkey fly unaccompanied up to his grandparents’ if we needed to go that route for the mid summer switch.

1. We’re moderately torn on this. We knew it would be coming soon as he’s getting to that age where all his friends have something, and he’s going to want to feel included. Plus, he’s doing more extra-curricular things where it’s important for him to be able to get a hold of you, me, or whoever the appropriate personnel is. Also, GPS tracking for you and I to be able to keep an eye on his location whenever he’s not with us would be a big plus.
-While our son did ask about if he would be able to transfer his games over from his current non-connected device to a connected-device/phone, his main concern was being able to talk to me without having to depend on his undependable father who has a knack for forgetting his phone, letting his phone die, having my son with babysitters who are unaware that I have a legal time to be speaking with my son, etcetera. 
-While, yes, quite a few of his friends have phones, you know what they do when they’re together? PLAY OUTSIDE! 
-IT’s always important for him to be able to get ahold of anyone he might need to, which is why he IS able to get ahold of people like his biological cather on the device he already has. It’s already pre-programmed in. I guess he just has never felt the need to reach out, kind of like how you, TheEx, never feel a need to reach out to him while he’s with me.
-As for GPS tracking, wihle I agree that’s important for safety reasons I see no reason for only his father to have access to said GPS tracking services when our sone spends 93% of his time with me.

The biggest downside for us though are that he’s still only 11. While he’s shown great maturity in general, and specifically in not losing things (wallet, ID, watch, money, etc) he still has moments of clumsiness (almost every time he uses the iPad here or my phone in the car he seems to drop it or knock it around some how). So we’re hesitant to put a $400 phone in his hands, though I’m sure his preference would be an iPhone that has access to the app store and all the modern apps (so.. iOS 10 capable). I’m sure you remember the phone you had when you were 11. I didn’t get mine until 14, and it was the old Nokia brick that was virtually indestructible.
-Yes, he’s only 11, but your “biggest downside” is him being clumsy with a replaceable piece of equipment? Not opening himself up to dangerous situations on social media sites or chatting with people in games or what have you? FUCK THAT FUCKED UP SHIT!
-Of course I remember the phone I had when I was 11, there was none. I didn’t even think about asking for one either because, hey, I was a kind living a kid’s life with other kids and not doping up the immediate reward center of my brain with electronics.
-Phones can be replaced, PEOPLE CANNOT.

Ex’sWife and I are interested in providing this option for ChaosMonkey at our entire expense. We would add a line to our phone plan, plus the cost of the phone, and insurance…. we anticipate this would cost us about $30 more a month… and we think we can handle that. That being said, there would have to be some… agreement… between you and I that ensures, reasonably, that ChaosMonkey and I can communicate at our leisure. The biggest barrier to this that I can foresee involves using phone privileges as a form of punishment. While I understand that “grounding” and “restriction” (or whatever term your household uses) requires that toys/technology/leisure/pleasure items be unavailable… we would have to figure out exactly what that means when it comes to him and me. I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to “have” to check with me every time you need to take the phone away… but imagine my fear/nervousness if I text/call and can’t get through to him for days.
-Really? You’re interested in providing this for him, are you? No, thank you, we’ll just pay for it out of the child support you’re [not] paying.
-Agreement between you and I? Like the custody arrangement that you can’t seem to stick to? Like paying child support, like you agreed to? Like the daily phone call I’m supposed to get with him that you agreed to?
-Grounding would involve electronics, obviously, which is why you keep communication with all involved parties open, DumbAss. Novel concept, I know. Believe me, I wouldn’t “have” to “check” with you, Ye Who Has No Understandign Of Discipline, Self Or Otherwise.
-If you can’t get ahold of him, let me know, as I’m his sother parent and all chances are I’ll be able to inform you if you’ve just completely destroyed him emotionally again or he’s lost his phone or what.

I don’t know what the solution is… but I’m definitely willing to keep the conversation going.

-Trust me, that’s obvious and expected at this point.

2. I don’t have a problem with this transportation arrangement. I do, however, need to be kept in the loop for the flight departure information, PRIOR to purchase. Depending on our location on the weekend of the flight, it may be prudent to fly out of Ontario International Airport (or John Wayne, or LAX) instead of any San Diego airports. Ontario is the most convenient as it is closest to our home, but we may be at Di’s that weekend anyway. We just haven’t planned that far ahead yet.
-Fancy that. All that hullabaloo about a phone but a plane flight with strangers where human trafficking takes place is no big deal. Yeah, airports have security, and yet all sort of crap still goes down in said places.
-You, plan ahead? Seriously? Who do you think you’re talking to? I’ve known you almost 20 yrs,  you either don’t plan or are incapable of the consideration it takes to make plans with people.

Lets keep talking.
-Duh. We still have a few years where that’s required but I can’t wait to be rid of you and the terrible, disruptive, negative, self-esteem crushing affect you have on our son. Not that he’ll ever be rid of those things completely as you’ve pummelled them into him via your neglect, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

Forgive What Didn’t Happen

I partook of a Facebook Live event where a Jonna Maynard, courtesy of Tom Collins, spoke on forgiveness.

The phrase Jonna quoted on forgiveness really struck a chord with me. It was “Forgive what didn’t happen”. Sounds a little odd at first, right? As she was explaining it the situation with my in-laws kept playing through my head and the phrase kept repeating through the in numerous hurtful experiences.

“Forgive what didn’t happen.”

Forgive the emotional needs that weren’t met.
Forgive the expectation that weren’t met.
Forgive the standards that weren’t met.
Forgive the communications that didn’t happen.
Forgive the the emotional intelligence or ability required to have a healthy relationship that wasn’t cultivated.

I have tried to do a lot of forgiving over the years. I have tried to maintain and stick to healthy boundaries for my family and I. This phrase put into perspective how my focus had been on forgiving things that were unforgivable in my mind because they weren’t changing. I wa trying to forgive the results of the underlying issues and incapabilities. And it is against my nature to forgive offenses that I know will keep happening because I was taught that forgiveness means treating someone as if they never hurt me and I knew the hurting was going to keep on coming.

I was trying to cope with symptoms of a toxin that was/is poisoning already difficult relationships. The “toxin” being something that may very well be beyond the capabilities of the people involved. This does not mean I am going to allow myself and my family to be mistreated, but the shifting of the focus has completely changed the way I look at these relationships.

The emotional release after this eureka moment was palpable. It literally was a physical and chemical shift in though my entire system when I was able to “let go” of what was truly wrong, the root of it all.

I really just wanted to share this all. Not necessarily with anyone in particular, but with anything outside of my own being.