After much time I am back, and we’ll see how long my presence lasts this time, working on a piece for the Literary Lion Writing Prompt: Boys.
This one is clearly being sourced out of my own life right now…
A copious collection of extravagant glass and crystal perfume bottles lined glass shelving in the window. Between the sun during the day and the neon sign across the street at night, some source of rainbows always painted the white grimy walls.
The police were looking through lace and frills from floor to ceiling looking for anything that might be out of place. They questioned the outrageously decorated tenant while things and people shuffled about.
A sharp crack sounded, an officer yelped, and part of the closet came off in his hand and an old skeleton fell out of the closet.
Thus far, the outrageous number of x-rays have shown that I have the hands of a 50 yr old (I’m in my early 30’s), My spine is degenerating much quicker than it should be and I have slight scoliosis going on in my lower back. Fun…
Blood work all came back fine with is rather interesting.
I was hoping for a bit more but a lot of things have been eliminated by all this so, even though it doesn’t feel like it, it truly is progress. The doctors’ plan had been to wean me off of the medications I’m on, but due to these test results, they actually ended up adding a couple and increasing some of the pre-existing ones.
Progress is progress. So woohoo!
My cousin decided last night that he is now a girl. I feel like he was murdered by himself. I am oscillating between shock and this deep set heartache that I’ve lost one of my best friends. Which is silly, really, because I lost him probably a decade or so ago when he started down very self destructive path.
He shared a picture of himself in a dress and make up and he was so ugly, not because of the cross dressing or the emotionally-shaded glasses I’m seeing through right now. He was ugly because of the self inflicted damage I saw. The emaciation… the kind that pulls the skin too tight across the bones because there’s nothing underneath it, like when you pull a hide tight for tanning.
I’m just at a loss right now.
I’m heart broken.
He has been killing himself for so long… I look at him and I listen to what comes out of his mouth and it’s like he’s been skinning the cousin I grew up with away a bit more everywhere to the point where, here we are, there’s nothing left of him so the body has to be someone else’s. He’s gone, someone else has stepped into his place. And they are a miserable, manipulative, self destructive Narcissist. This last decision isn’t a decision, it’s a poor excuse for an obituary.
I want to scream and cry and be angry but I can’t be angry because I’m too broken hearted to muster the energy.
I just want my cousin back. The one I grew up with. The one who was honest and kind, who felt things just as keenly as I did and we made it okay for each other in a world and a family where being hypersensitive meant you needed to toughen up, grow up. We were kindred spirits and now… he’s worse than gone. It’s like he’s choosing this kind of living death where I, at least, won’t be able to find closure because he’s chosen to be gone but he’s not gone.
I just want my cousin back.