I tried to watch The Room while I did some folding. Such a bad choice. So much crying. So many feelings that just hit too close to home.
Trauma binds people to each other in such an intense way. Some people are more sensitive to the damage, it doesn’t make them weak but it requires more strength from them.I have heard people say I’ve been strong through so much. I don’t feel like I’ve been strong. I feel like Alexander was the one who gave me his strength.
He was this perfect piece of the universe in my arms. Even when he was heartbroken about things he couldn’t understand. And it in turn broke my heart.
This five year old narrative holds so many of the conversations Alexander and I had over his young years. It has me bawling.
“I’m not a good enough Ma.”
“But you’re Ma.”