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Ba-Dump, Ba-Dump, Ba-Dump

It’s been another long day. BOB’s still having night terrors. It makes everything more difficult, health wise and emotionally, when I don’t sleep well. I kept thinking that once I had a good “bank account” of decent sleep I could work off of it if I had a rough night here or there. NOPE.

Today is leaving me a bit downhearted yet hopeful, just in different areas of my life.

I have another 7 day heart monitor on and, yep, still allergic to whatever adhesive they use. I was really nervous about it all morning but a swift kick in the ass from my amazing stepmom, which was exactly why I contacted her, helped put me at ease by getting me out of my own head. I’m starting to recognize that downward-spiral starting more and more. Whether it’s the seizure medication or the heart medication or what, who knows at this point, but something is helping. Hopefully, once all this “trouble-shooting” is over we’ll know what the root of the issue is. My biggest concern is if/how degenerative the issue may be and if it might be genetic/given to my children.

Another difficult part of the last day and a half, specifically, was the “typical” physical and emotional detoxing ChaosMonkey does when he gets home from his dad’s. Today, it was a bad attitude, negative comment, or straight up mean/overly physical response to everything. After stepping way out of bounds when we got home we had a swift and serious discussion about what his issue was and how, given when and how often it has been occurring, what he, myself, or we needed to do to help him. He is hesitant to do anything progressive… given the range of emotions that went over his face, however, he knows what he doesn’t want to discuss and/or face and, obviously, doesn’t want to discuss and/or face. *Sigh* It’s that “you can lead a horse to water” thing all over again.

On the upside, after speaking with the Hubby, it sounds like the guys he’s under have no idea what they’re doing in relation to time off for Christmas. He might have the opportunity to come home for Christmas! Yay! His mom might even be willing to help fly him home so we could actually spend it with him.


10 thoughts on “Ba-Dump, Ba-Dump, Ba-Dump

  1. How sad that he is dealing with so much on his own. I wish I could offer something that would work better than a virtual hug or a virtual shoulder (you know those are always there). Wishing you love and hugs and smoother sailing to come!

    • Seriously. He ended up in a special preschool at one point for kids who were physically or emotionally abused. They gave him back to me, in all honesty. The child he became after coming home from his dad’s disappointed and hurt again and again wasn’t the child he’d been with me.

      When he starts going down this road more and more I feel like I’m losing him again.

      It’s one thing to lose him to growing up and another to heartbreak. Especially when caused by a parent.

      • I’m so glad he has the dog to cuddle with — at least he knows the dog won’t disappoint! I can understand your concerns about losing him again — I don’t think any judge would send him back to dad — but there are good agencies that will evaluate his situation and make solid recommendations to the courts (I think one is called CASA). It might be worth looking into.

      • He’s been seeing his dad and still wants to see his dad. He’s pretty much desperate for his dad to love him and has been since his dad and I split. I will look into CASA. Thank you for the suggestion.

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