When your ex blames you for miscommunications between his wife and his mother-in-law. LOL It is so… Pitiable. Normal pick up is X o’clock during the summer. I was there at X o’clock. TheEx wasn’t. Not only was he not there but evidently his mother-in-law wasn’t there (he notified me about an hour and a half before pick up she would be the one picking him up despite my expression that I wasn’t comfortable with that). I contact her. No response. I contact him, he says he’ll get back to me. He is NOTORIOUS for not getting back to me. So, I let him know I’m leaving at X:xx if I don’t hear from him. He tells me she’s ten minutes away. I say “okay, I’m leaving in fifteen then.” The husband had an appointment and needed our only car/someone to watch the kids while he tries to supplement our child support free income. Given that he had said she was “10 minutes away” I thought it was fair. Evidently, he didn’t and went off on a tirade. Evidently that wasn’t exactly accurate, as if that’s any surprise or any detour from his normal less than honest demeanor. At X:xx on the dot, his mother-in-law walked in. I was both really thankful and disappointed; I had no curriculum planned for this week if my son stayed home but I love having him home and so do his siblings. His rantings were still ringing through on my phone but I a) had to get home for Hubby’s appointment and b) they weren’t worth my time and energy at the moment. I just really have to wonder how people don’t see him for what he is. ChaosMonkey is certainly starting to, which is both good and heartbreaking. He told me today he had come to expect his dad to not show up after him doing it for years. 😥 My life revolved around TheEx at one point of my life, as ridiculous as that is, and it seems like TheEx feels like it still should. I don’t think so, Buddy. Get back on your obese unicorn and propel yourself into the setting gaseous mass which is your ego.
Interesting. In looking over his texts, he claims the “miscommunications wouldn’t happen if you [I] would just be ok with anyone I [The Ex] send (who is related or you approve).” And I need “to understand how damaging your [my] stance is on this is to my [his] relationship with ChaosMonkey. But because of the stress and anger you [I] cause (and I [he} contribute to) during these drop-offs, it would just be better to have a non-biased third party consistently picking him up on my [his] behalf, thus minimizing my anger and frustration with you, and allowing me the space I need to protect ChaosMonkey from seeing these negative emotions.”
While reading this, I cannot help but recall how I have been nothing but cordial, kind, congratulatory during our pick ups and drop offs. If they’ve been late and not let me know, I have politely requested, in tone and word choice, that they please let me know next time (his wife’s last response to that was to mumble “well, at least he’s here”). I have made small talk with his wife. My husband and I even bent over backward to drive the full distance to and from his visitation weekend to cover his & her asses because they ‘misunderstood’ that we had agreed to drive the full way one way and not both.
These communications are one of the huge reasons I only feel comfortable dealing with an adult the law holds responsible for ChaosMonkey’s well being. He has refused to give me the full contact info of the caregivers. He makes spiteful, hateful, sarcastic comments about me to ChaosMonkey and within ChaosMonkey’s hearing range. Even when my son and I are talking on the phoneme’s making snippy comments.
Any stress, anger, frustration, that I “contribute to” is over email or text message. If it’s email, I usually have time to emotionally pack it away before the kids can see, but if it’s text message it’s usually on a way to a pick up or a drop off in which case I must exercise immediate, *gasp*, SELF CONTROL (a foreign concept to him as evidenced by his grotesquely obese waistline) and am in the same boat except that ChaosMonkey is usually around me at the time whereas with TheEx he’s usually not.
This all reads like he’s trying to hold me responsible for his shortcomings and blaming me for his lack of a relationship with our son. You know what’s killing his relationship with our son? “He doesn’t do Legos with me anymore because Aunty Di wants to help and he doesn’t want her to.” “He and (His Wife) don’t wake up until after lunch so I have no humans to even talk to.” “I asked him to get up earlier already and he said he might be able to do that, but he won’t.” “I just decided to expect he won’t show up because he doesn’t, like, all the time.” “He’s probably not here because he’s still asleep.” “He never plays with me because he’s on his phone or his computer.”
Stress? Frustration? Anger? TheEx has caused all that in our lives, too: two adults and three children. Emotionally difficult? Yeah, I get that, I really do. You know what else is difficult? Having to cancel family vacations. Having to count and pinch pennies to put bare minimum groceries in the cupboards. We have seen two movies in theater the last two years: Minions (my eldest desperately wanted to watch Inside Out, Minions, and Home with us). His dad had taken him to see Inside Out, which he of course loved, but he was super conflicted about it before hand, near tears, because he had wanted to see it with us. I told him it was alright and I was super excited he was going to get to see it and that I wanted to hear all about what he learned when I got to talk to him the next day. Stress on my marriage, stress on my kids, stress on ChaosMonkey’s academics because we can’t put him in a school that’s right for him and can’t evenly him supplemental material to augment school. He has always had his own curriculum at home, which his teachers had been willing to work with alongside me up until we moved to this godforsaken, manure-ridden, allergy compacted hell hole (that being said, it’s a beautiful farmland valley if you can survive that kind of thing).
I really needed to just dump all this out of my head. I have to get up early and prep myself and the kids for an MRI appointment. I have more specialist appointments to make once that’s done. It’s kind of a scary time for me, to be honest. I can’t imagine not being able to run around with my kids, I can’t imagine my hands and feet being numb 100% of the time but that seems to be where I’m heading. Things are getting worse… I can’t imagine life without my hands… My feet I can make do without, but my hands?
… Don’t overthink it. Don’t spin tales with this. Spin tales for writing prompts.
Worry is the wrong kind of creativity.