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Family Ties

It’s been a long, loong two weeks of summer.

The husband took work off to watch the kids while I went in to get my heart photographed but the TEE technician was home sick and no one seemed to notice this till the anesthesiologist was about to stick a needle in my IV. So… yeah… nerve wracking and a little frustrating.

All the other “stuff” going on is too jumbled for me to sort out at the moment. There’s just so much. Hubby’s grandfather was just diagnosed with heart failure. What kind I don’t know because my mother-in-law likes to use her own names for things, kind of like laments terms, but no one but her uses the words she uses and so we’re all left out of the loop. It’s fun. This is the man who was the positive role model in my husband’s life whereas his own father was an abusive jackass. This is also the racist man my husband was trying to convince me we should live with to “keep him young” if/when we’re back that way.

If something happened with/to Hubby’s grandfather and he died because none was around to help him and we could have been there to help him… yeah… I don’t think my conscience would let me sleep the rest of my life. Hubby would probably blame me, too.

I was raised with some good ideas and an overabundance of ideology on my own part, one of those ideas was that if you can help someone it is wrong, irresponsible, selfish, etcetera, not to. So… you might understand how or why I am so conflicted about protecting my own sanity versus basically becoming a companion/caregiver for this family member.

No one is saying I”ll be his caregiver but, just like with Hubby’s dogs who were supposed to be HIS dogs and I would do nothing with (allergy reasons) that I still do the majority of the work with… it’ll be the same with this.

Then moving away when Hubby gets out of the military is going to be… difficult. It’s like I can see the whole family’s plans and expectations creating the impaling walls all around me and they’re moving in closer and closer the closer we get to having new orders.

I had hoped we’d be sent to the East Coast, or Over Seas, anywhere but back. Nothing is even remotely set yet, which was stressful once but now I am totally seeing as a blessing.

I’m sure it’ll all be easier to sort through once the younglings are done being sick and I can sleep at night again. Poor kiddos.


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