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Follow Up on the Follow Up

I had what I thought was my last post-op follow up yesterday. I’ve had tubes removed and now I’ve had steroid implants that felt like it looked like one of those wire mandala toys. Super weird… Turns out I have one more follow up but I should be good. Super excited to be starting this next part of my life without constant and debilitating sinus headaches/infections! Woohoo!

In other news…

The kids are getting old enough now that I’d li,e to start looking at going back to work and or school. I can’t imagine having a job that would pay enough to cover child care and… well… that’s a really big messy tangle of yarn. The minimal freelance stuff I’ve attempted hasn’t really worked out. Looking into as many avenues as I can. I wasn’t feeling up for hardly anything physically for a long time. I knew I had acclimated to a decent level of constant pain, but something about being on really good steroids after my surgery has let me glimpse that what ever is going on with me isn’t in my head, it is treatable/manageable, and I can feel like a person again.

Another something I have been thinking about a lot lately is my stepdaughter. For whatever reason, the situation with her is weighing heavier and heavier on my heart. Perhaps it is because things with the state and my son’s father aren’t progressing at all. I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the changes we have looming in our future on so many levels.

I have been rolling the idea of setting up a “Dear Daughter” around in my noggin blog/website for her. It’d be set up with her name so that if she googled herself it would pop up. It’d be a place for our other kids to post videos for her, write letters, etcetera, so on and so forth. Maybe set up a chat widget or something on it, too. I don’t know. I tried to talk to Hubby about how he was feeling about the situation, or lack there of, with his daughter. IT’s a “tip-toe” area that he has varied reactions to… it would seem because he doesn’t know how he feels about it all or what to do about it all. His mother keeps pushing him to wash his hands of her, let her mother’s lover adopt her so he can stop paying child support. I find his reaction tot he topic of his daughter contains a great deal more anger and aggression if he’s spoken to his mother recently. Go figure.

Her mother has made it clear that she not only doesn’t bring Hubby up to her daughter but discourages any kind of attempts to form a relationship from either Hubby or his daughter. I wish we had the funds to go back to court… with both our exes. *sigh*

I don’t know. So much thinking and so many emotions…

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