Becoming The Other Woman…

In Your Marriage

I went to bed last night thinking about how tired my husband and I are these days and how, because we’re tired, the effort we’re putting into our relationship is pretty low.

Our youngest cut a grand total of three teeth his first year and decided to get ALL of the rest of his teeth in after that first birthday. He’s fourteen months now. It’s been nonstop teething, fussing, screaming, and overall crankiness and cranky boundary pushing the last two months. Not the most happy and romantic of conditions for a couple who are trying to re-find their identities, both separately and as a couple.

So, here’s my thing. HOW do you find the energy to put into something that you’re too exhausted to care about anymore? For me, and quite a few people looking at the fidelity stats, the easiest way is “find” something/someone new and fresh to move onto so all the excitement of the unknown comes back into play. That being said, I really have no desire to go finding someone new. Something new might be nice, but I don’t even have time for the interest I’ve already liked much less finding something new to get involved with.

I have been told I am a very compartmentalized person… quite… a few… times. So, I’m gonna make that work for me. Maybe try the whole “First date reenactment” thing, except that we didn’t really have a first “date”, it was more of a weekend long type of thing… For those who know the story, it was and still is a favorite memory/story, for those who don’t, well, you missed out on some good erotic fun. 😉

Frankly, whether it’s just going out to dinner, walking on the beach, anything, what would probably help me breathe some fresh life into my exhausted relationship is creating a character of some sort to play for the night. I mean, I’ll always be me, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice to picture yourself as something more than the diaper changing, house cleaning, exhaustion incarnate, person you feel that you are on a daily basis.

I don’t want to be more, just different. So, for a night every now and again I’m gonna be “The Other Woman”. For my own sake, lol. The thing about being “the other woman” that strikes me as being fun is the whole “we’re not married so you still have to try” attitude. I don’t have the energy to care that much during the week, but a special night every once in awhile, I think some of these expectations are just straight up healthy. I need to remember I”m worth wooing and it doesn’t hurt to remind Hubby of that either. 🙂

I realize this is a mess of thinking, but I’ve got two kids running around like crazy I’m watching and this, like usually, takes a backseat to my kids’ safety. 🙂 Especially when it comes to keeping them safe from themselves, lol.

Nightmares

I finally slept deep enough that I actually felt awake when I got up this morning. It was a nice change. It was the first time I slept deep enough to truly dream for a long time and what does my mind do for me? Gives me a nightmare. I dreamed that I was in a hotel room with my eldest son who kept morphing between himself now, himself as a baby, and his baby brother. I don’t know why. So, we’re in the second story of this hotel and there’s a big basketball game going on outside, which i spot TheEx in. Okay, that’s weird, but despite being weird it made me super anxious, as in paranoid anxious. Well, one of the basketball players spotted me and then they turned into this big mob and were trying to get into the room to take my son from me. I called the police on what seemed like a hand radio of some sort to tell them all these guys were trying to break into my room to steal my son and he seemed fairly apathetic. Somehow I get out of their with my kid and into a car. I start driving through this wooded area when a Sheriff’s vehicle pulls up behind me. I pull over and get out thinking this is a good thing, but then TheEx steps out of the sheriff’s vehicle as the sheriff, revokes my license and dares me to try and drive away so he can arrest me. Somehow after that he takes my son, in baby form nonetheless, and disappears. I head back to this random town and I’m looking everywhere for TheEx or my child, I contacted Child Services, schools, churches, convents, and then I finally see TheEx walking my grown child into a school for a day of school. The rest is a bit foggy until I’m at TheEx’s house with his wife and my child and find they’ve left him, as a baby, to sleep with one of the roommates during the nights and just over all not taking care of him because it’s too much of a bother. Then they decide to go out racing in their cars, leaving my son behind, so I grab him and race out myself down the multitude of hallways before getting in my car and speeding away. While I’m speeding away, TheEx and his wife pull up beside me and start giving me pointers on street racing, not even caring I have my son back. I speed away from them and into everyday highway traffic and that’s about the time I woke up.

Bizarre? Obscure? Obviously cueing in to real stresses about the situation with TheEx and my son? Yes to all of the above. I am certainly glad to have gotten some deep sleep but I’m also very glad I’m not in that nightmare any more.