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Why do I Expect Better?

Why do I continually a,low myself to be disappointed by my ex? Well, simple, that’s because I expect him to act like a decent human who actually cares about our son. That’s why.

Given the ongoing debacle that is Father’s Day in regards to my son’s “visitation” with his dad and how the poor kiddo has always either been cancelled on or just straight stood up, I shot TheEx an email asking for clarification.

“TheEx,

Do you plan on exercising your Father’s Day visitation this year?

-Me”

Clear and concise, unlike what I wanted to write which had an emotionally inflammatory “or stand him up again” tagged on the end.
His response?

“As the summer schedule is approaching, We should move towards a fuller understanding of that transition, and maybe have our first smooth transition in almost 8 years [Fun fact: we were still together 8 years ago, it was off and on, but we were together and I even lived with his folks for a time].

As always [ALWAYS. His other responsibilities ALWAYS restrict his time with Alexander, not the other way around. ChaosMonkey has never been put first, he is treated like that ugly sweater from grandma you only pull out at family get togethers so as to keep up  appearances. You know how much therapy that kid needed when he first started seeing his dad? It was horrendous!!], my graduation responsibilities at the University will restrict my flexibility on the weekend of the 14th, the Sunday of which I believe would be the first day of the summer week-long visits, and is of course, Father’s Day.

Regardless of the transition, I could not possibly exercise a 10am to 6pm

visit on the 15th. I am performing at an 8am graduation service in BlahBeBlah, and then have to be back to BlahBlah ASAP for duties at our graduation.

I could do a later pickup, the usual 4pm could probably be manageable. Would this be a ‘good’ way to start the summer schedule? It’s pointless and worthless for you OR me to do the drive for a 2 or maybe 3 hour visit….

Otherwise, the 21st would be my ‘regularly’ scheduled weekend, if the summer schedule has not yet started. Would it then be better to start the summer schedule on the 22nd as my week, and alternating from there? If so, would I still have the weekend of the 21st, so really this starts on Friday the 20th [so wrong…]?

I just want to understand your expectations for summer as a starting point, so we can move forward from there before finalizing any details about Father’s Day specifically. [Gah!]

Respectfully,
TheEx”

Now, I’ve had to come back and reread the email because the first time through I got so angry at his continued lack of regard for anyone else in the world besides himself. ChaosMonkey has never been a top priority for him; add that to the flat out incorrect facts in here (the 8 year comment, specifically) and I had to walk away from the email. Lying is a button for me and this guy is a chronic liar, how we stayed together 7 years is just one unhealthy concoction of stupidity, co-dependence, naivety and stubbornness on my part. He is unhealthy as an individual and it was unhealthy for us together and I was a lost little girl who just wanted to be loved.

There are quite a few things I want to say to this… person… at this point. None of which would probably be helpful, but I’m hoping if I get them out of my head it will at least help write a calm response back to him.

“Father’s Day visitation is a holiday visitation and has nothing to do with a regular weekend or regular summer visitation. Also, you are incorrect in that Father’s Day weekend is the beginning of summer vacation, which you would know if you bothered to look at ChaosMonkey’s shared visitation calendar I invited you to years ago OR looked at the school’s calendar, which I also sent you a link to way, way back when. Also, the Father’s Day time is 10AM to 7PM, not 10AM to 6PM, just so you know.

A “good” way to start ChaosMonkey’s summer would be for you to make him a priority and not an accessory. You don’t have days, times, anything right! How can you even pretend he’s a priority with this kind of blatant disregard for scheduling that has been THE SAME for the last several years.

Summer starts on Friday the 20th, not your visitation. As SUMMER starts on the 20th Alexander’s visitation with you starts the following Sunday at 3PM! READ YOUR DOCUMENTS!!!!!!!!!!

If you want to understand my expectations, read the court order, read the amendment you signed when we moved, heck, check out the school and or ChaosMonkey’s calendars to see WHAT HE IS SCHEDULED FOR!”

You know, I do feel better. The last two visitations ChaosMonkey had with his dad had tense pick ups and drop offs due to other lacks of communication regarding a schedule/schedule change. So, this was just kind of a “what, again?” Kind of thing.

Alexander needs better than this, and he has it with his stepdad. I love my husband beyond belief but ChaosMonkey will always feel something for his biological dad that isn’t there with Hubby. It’s a different connection. I wouldn’t say it’s stronger or weaker, but it’s DIFFERENT. And the poor kiddo needs some time with his dad until he is ready to face what you can tell he’s almost already decided subconsciously.  I hate to see my kiddo going through all this but at the same time I am glad he is getting to see that he has a choice about who he becomes. He sees the differences in lifestyles, heath, habits, and affection. I am hoping that, just as I decided no man was better than a bad man, that he will decide that being a better man is preferable to being like his dad.

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