So, Hubby and I had always talked about having a real wedding ceremony at our 5 yr anniversary. Well, that has come and gone now and, long story short, I’ve missed out on quite a few once in a lifetime events in most just my own life but the lives of some very close friends and I’ve kind of gotten to a point where I just feel really terrible about needing support for myself and my family again and again and again and not being able to give support back.
It’s all a culmination of the same feelings but as a result of different catalysts. I wish I could talk with my Hubby about it without him feeling like it’s his fault. Thing is, I almost feel like our relationship is set up for failure right now. He is working is ass off and we are just… almost keeping our heads above water. I’m not working and feeling like I’m going insane doing housework continually that is continually destroyed and just… not feeling… appreciated, special, whatever. If we had the money, Hubby would spoil the kids and I, no doubt, but we don’t have the money. It’s… a mess. It’s tiring and exhausting and depressing and I think we’re both hitting our limit on it. Of course, if my eldest’s father was paying child support, that would help.
I’m just a bundle of emotions I don’t have the time or energy to process right now. I love my kids and I love staying home with them, but I need adult interaction. I also need time by myself to process all these emotions. I’m just kind of raw right now, I suppose, too much in my head, as if that’s a change, lol.