Holey Socks

The family and I were working on laundry today, as we tend to do most Sundays. Afterwards my husband commented on my eldest’s holy socks, kind of poking fun at him. I quipped up with the fact that my socks were holy, too. Hubby said we should throw holy socks away and it got me thinking…

I’m kind of the type who wears something till you literally cannot wear it any longer before I get rid of it. My son’s socks and my socks are more holy than not at this point. He’s having a break from growing and has worn through his socks instead of outgrowing them (like he used to do and as his little sister is now doing). It goes beyond not wanting to be wasteful. When you get rid of the things that are in bad shape… it shows how little we have that’s in “good” condition, and that is very disheartening.  I’m thankful for all the wonderful things we do have; a home, each other, food.

There’s just something about empty drawers that makes me a little sad. It’s even worse when it’s the cupboard or fridge shelves. With child support, we were scraping by okay. Things were always tight, don’t get me wrong, but we could afford a little something extra for the kids or each other every once in a while. Without child support, it’s a choice of buying groceries or paying bills. It’s using couch change for school events and gas in the car.

I’m not saying that if my son’s biological would pay child support life would be all roses and sunshine, but it certainly would help with putting food on the table and reduce the stress on the family, maybe even help get some new socks for ChaosMonkey.

One of the big reasons my husband took a 13 month deployment was because we were so pressed for cash. He’s that kind of man, family comes first. He did his best to Skype with the kids, call on the phone, write letters and send boxes full of thoughts and wishes. My eldest’s biological father is just about the complete opposite, if not totally the complete opposite. I wish I could say he’s changed as ChaosMonkey’s gotten older, but really, he hasn’t. Instead of manipulating me he’s working his talons into our son. Somedays, I honestly wish he would just walk away and let my husband adopt him.

Lots going on in my head right now…