Things I was Denied in my Marriage from the Person who Claimed he Never told Me No:

1. Apple picking in Julian

2. A walk on the beach at sunset

3. A ceremony

4. A honeymoon

5. Respect

6. A thank you

7. Understanding

8. Meeting halfway

9. Integrity

10. Loyalty


The Breaking of Twilight

Caught in the eternal twilight of the soul
Unwilling to let go
Of dark or light
​Or the knowledge of both
The view from one into the other
Piercing and engulfing all at once
The seeming miracle to one side
Of being of the other
The succubus call
Of the dark to the light
And the light to the dark
A shaking fear
Of trembling need
For attention and to be loved
Entrancing in the seeming
Dichotomous existence
The allusion of rarity
A miasmic blur of imagery
To hide the frightened self
The one who cannot love
Themself not anyone else
A desperate prayer
To be shown as to learn
To be given a safe haven
Free of careful teasing
Free of tightroping
That invisible twilight line
Between one nature and another
Afraid of falling no more

The Sad State of Things

Despite all the ongoing hell of this divorce, part of me still wants a future where I have that storybook ending, a family unit for my kids with both parents present, a yard, a dog or cat or something, family vacations full of smiles and good memories. I didn’t even have that with this marriage towards the end.

Men, if your woman asks you to step out of your comfort zone and talk to someone, to get help, it’s coming from a place of care. Ignoring the fact that people around you are noticing you’re depressed is not going to end well for you or anyone you love.

Repost: Expanding Into Nothing

Close your eyes

empty yourself into the void

the weightlessness of space

without thought

down below your mind

Meditate, if you would,

on the emptiness of senses

almost as if drifting to sleep

but instead of drifting back

you drift down again

As the nothingness expands

so do you

stretching as if having been

confined too long

in too small a space

feeling out a velvet touch

permeating you the space

Is there another here?

The question stretches

out through you as if

no mind exists merely

an osmosis of consciousness

Tangles of tendril like limbs

slither themselves into the blackness

searching for a connection

a thought, something foreign or familiar

in the darkness

Are you here?

The Fruits of a Broken Family Tree

Today’s writing prompt word is “Awkward“.

The Fruits of a Broken Family Tree

The room was filled with the raucous thundering of too many converging conversations. It wasn’t a place for children but it was where everyone said they needed to be. Despite all of the elbow bumping of the cramped little living room, the children sat in a space of their own, devoid of the adults’ attention while still being subjected to the comments and stories of how the black-garbed group had come to see it all coming and had done nothing to help.

It was her fault. It was his fault. It was their fault. It was no one’s fault.

It was stress. It was depression. It was anxiety. It was rage.

The children sat in the humid bubble of too many voices while seemingly untouched by it at all.

It was enough, more than enough, it was too much, and the still calm of the children dissolved; the boy into tears and the girl into fury. He flew himself into a corner and sobbed. She climbed atop a table and pummeled it with her heel to quiet the crowd.

In the silence that followed, she announced “It’s okay. I asked him if he still loved her and he said yes.”

The crowd’s angry faces had gone blank, and then confused, and then unsure as she stood atop her impromptu pedestal beaming with as she stood in the glory that her knowledge had just saved them all.

Then, the whispers began…
“Doesn’t she know?”
“Someone has to tell her.”
“It’s not my place to tell her.”
“How could she not know?”

And from a corner in the back, the little boy stepped up into the light as his tears streamed down his face. “It’s not going to be okay. She’s dead.” He wailed.

“But Daddy said he still loved her.” The girl insisted.

“No!” Was the answering word, torn from the seized throat of an anguished little soul.

And the rift between the two children grew as the crowd stood in it, mumbling and muttering and fumbling about in their emotional incompetence.


Deprivation must be my muse for it seems the only way I can know what I need is when I am without it, when the deepest recesses of my mind are permeated by unmet need am I able to recognize the truth from amidst the fiction, the desire from reality, or the consequences regardless of intent.